All parents get furious with their children - and that's only natural. But parents often say things they don't mean in the heat of the moment. Others feel bad about being angry and keep quiet. While anger can lead to hurtful words and a breakdown in communication, it can also spark talks that will help you and your teen get to know each other better. Consider these guidelines.

• When you get mad, don't blame or accuse. Say how YOU FEEL - annoyed, irritated, upset, etc. - and WHY. Be specific and talk facts. Blaming only forces a teen to argue his or her point, arouses tempers and kills dialogue.
• Think solution, not victory. The goal is not to win the argument.
• Stick to the present incident. Fighting old battles will only aggravate the situation.
• Be careful not to attack your teen's person or character. Focus on the behavior.
• If the situation is touchy, put your ideas into a letter. You can say exactly what you mean, and your teen will have time to think it over before answering. Additional resources for managing Parental Anger.

How do I know if my teenager's behavior is "normal?"

As children grow into teenagers, it's common for them to want to make their own decisions and begin to take control of their lives. Many seem to reject just about everything their parents have taught them and think the opinions of their friends are far more valid than those of their parents. Their values and beliefs seem to change, and they have to come to grips with their changing bodies as well. Parents can best prepare for the teen years by being aware of normal changes in their children, both physical and emotional.

Normal teenage behavior...

• Dramatic increase in height and weight, accompanied by a large appetite.
• Emotional changes. Sexual feelings are stimulated by sex hormones released by the body, and many teens think about experimenting with sexuality. In the mid-teens, boys and girls shift attention from parents to peers, boyfriends or girlfriends.
• Impulsive behavior. Temper outbursts and wild behavior often stem from conflicts with parents or other authority figures. During their mid-teens, kids begin to think and act more rationally.
• Anxiety. Anticipation of impending adulthood can result in excitement as well as anxiety and fear. Some may try to deny it and remain acting childish. Others may try to rush into adult activities.

Common warning signs of a troubled teen…

• Talk of suicide. A suicidal teen may give away valued possessions, make a will, talk about death or dying, or say that everyone would be better off without him/her. Additional things to know about preventing teen suicide from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
• Drastic changes in personality, friendships, activities, study habits, and ways of thinking, eating and sleeping. Major weight loss can be a sign of anorexia or bulimia. A sudden end to a long depression often precedes a suicide attempt.
• Drug or alcohol abuse. Symptoms include lying, secretiveness, irrational and irresponsible behavior, severe mood swings, increase in accidents, dilated pupils, missing valuables, health or sleep problems, and drug or alcohol paraphernalia around the house.
• A recent change in friends who are abusing drugs or alcohol.
• Law-breaking behavior, event if the police and courts aren't involved. You may start to notice new possessions and money not accounted for.
• Continuous low self-image. Doubts are normal, but persistent low self-esteem is a problem. Articles on Building Your Teens Self Esteem
• Serious depression. Signs include listlessness, loneliness, withdrawal, difficulty making friends, change in sleeping and eating patterns, and loss of interest in activities.
• Rebelliousness to the point of continual, total defiance.
• Continuous problems at school, including class cutting, absenteeism and poor grades.
• Fears and anxieties that interfere with your teen's everyday activities.
• Family problems that require outside help. Family challenges such as death, divorce and remarriage are times when teens often need outside help.

When you might need help

It can be overwhelming for teens and parents to try to figure out what to do when they're having problems. Frequently kids don't understand parents, and parents don't understand kids. Most teens and parents can get through tough times if they resolve conflicts with discussions, not arguments. But there are times when a parent needs to reach out for help in order to make the house a healthy, safe home. If you or someone you know is in a difficult situation, learn more about the resources available and ask someone for direction. Asking for help may be difficult, but taking that step will eventually bring welcome relief.

Consider seeking outside help if…

• Your teen exhibits warning signs and is not responding to your counsel or the advice of others.
• Things aren't going well with your family, but you don't know why
• You disagree with positions your spouse or significant other has taken on issues concerning your child, and the two of you can't find a compromise.
• You have trouble holding down a job.
• You are abusing drugs or alcohol.
• Your significant other is abusing drugs or alcohol.
• You get violent with your child or your significant other.
• Your significant other gets violent with you or your child.
• Your child is being sexually abused by you, your significant other or another family member.

What to do if your teenager runs away

There is no "typical" runaway. Kids leave home from every economic and racial background - every city, neighborhood and school. Most kids who run away return within 48 hours. However, any teen who leaves home needs to know that someone cared enough to look for him or her. Don't panic, and do your best to prepare for your teen's return.

Steps to Locate your Teen...

• Call the police and provide them with photographs and other information about your child.
• Start a notebook, recording the officer's name and badge number; then record steps as you take them.
• Call your teen's friends and check his or her hangouts.
• Make fliers with your child's photo and a description of identifying characteristics (braces, piercings, tattoos, distinctive accent, etc.). Include information on how to reach you and the law enforcement agency handling the investigation.
• Call area hospitals.
• Get in touch with runaway shelters in your area and in neighboring states.
• Call runaway hotlines to leave a message in case your teen calls the hotline.
• Prepare to deal with the issues in your teen's life when he or she contacts you or returns home. Talking to a counselor about your own feelings may be helpful.
• Listen to what your teen is saying and work together with a counselor to resolve your conflicts.